Alannah Hill planned to keep her cancer a secret – then she changed her mind

Source: The Sydney Morning Herald, April 2015

By shooing her dog with her foot – and breaking a bone in the process – Alannah Hill may have saved her life.

Instead of kicking the air, she thumped her toe into a heavy Victorian skirting board. When she went to get the throbbing digit mended, her doctor frowned at the brown speck on top of it and ordered a biopsy.

“It was just this tiny spot," says the high-profile fashion designer, slipping off a feather-embellished platform shoe to point it out. On the fourth toe of her left foot is a little dot, dark and irregular: the kind many of us simply ignore.

“Invasive malignant melanoma of the spreading type," Hill says, reading from a printed copy of her diagnosis.

She was stunned. Known for her alabaster skin, she had always protected it with a parasol and gloves. She never wore thongs or sandals. She recalls getting burnt only once, as a little girl, during a beach holiday with her family.

Had she waited another three months, doctors told her, the cancer would likely have spread and become terminal. Because she caught it early – albeit accidentally – her prognosis is “very good".

Hill is speaking to Fairfax Media just before her admission into hospital.The next day, surgeons remove part of her toe but not her whole foot – an option Hill had consented to if necessary. This is followed by a painful and complicated skin graft from her inner thigh. She will remain in hospital for at least eight days. Next week, doctors will determine if further treatment such as radiotherapy is required.

After her operation, Hill sends an email. It is a thoughtful reflection on mortality and fear, finished with a plea: “No matter how small your little mole is, no matter how insignificant it looks, go to your doctor and get it checked."

She also guesses that others with cancer find the statement, “You’re so strong for facing this," as “strange and perplexing" as she does. “The real truth is we have no choice in the matter," she writes, adding that embracing “weakness and humility" is a part of strength.

This is a story that Hill had intended to keep a secret. Her plan was to inform only a handful of friends and quietly take a week off. Then she’d power on with her new label, Louise Love, which she created last year after an acrimonious split with her business partner, Factory X. (She now has nothing to do with the Alannah Hill brand she started 20 years ago.)

Her doctor’s blunt words changed her mind. First, he compelled her to “just stop" and take a three-month break. Then explained his heartbreak at seeing patient after patient who leave things too late.

“He just said, ‘Alannah, you need to get the message out’," Hill recalls.

An astonishing 750,000 Australians are treated for skin cancer each year. Most of will develop some form of it in our lifetime: two in three will be diagnosed before reaching 70. (Legendary cricket commentator Richie Benaud was receiving radiation therapy for skin cancer when he died on Friday.) It kills more than 2000 annually; almost double our national road toll.  Nearly all skin cancers can be treated successfully if they’re found in time.

Being so busy, Hill admits, is one reason she put off getting her spot checked sooner.

Since Louise Love launched as an online boutique, business has boomed. David Jones has put her designs in its stores and online orders are pouring in. But even with the help of an assistant, she often works until 4am. She personally replies to 60 customer emails a day, signing off as “The Louise Love Team". She does all the social media posts, spends hours wrapping orders and even taught herself graphic design.

Having already lost control of her eponymous label, Hill was not about to hand the reins of her thriving new business to someone else. Instead, she will let it “rest" for three months while she recuperates, then return with a fresh spring collection.

Last week, Hill announced on Facebook she would take “a winter sabbatical" for personal reasons. One woman expressed her disappointment, and it has niggled at her since. Hill can’t bear the thought of “letting down" her fans or suppliers.

“If someone doesn’t like a skirt I’ve designed, I’ll be shattered," she says. “But with this [cancer], I’m like, ‘I’ll get it fixed’. It’s like I’ve got a cold. It’s weird: I’ll make a drama out of little things but when things are serious, I’ll be calm."

There is an understated resolve to Hill; something that has helped her through a difficult year. Yet many see the surface details only: the big hair, dramatic make-up and showstopping outfits.

“People have a certain opinion of me because [journalists] always write that she’s ‘the flamboyant fashion designer’," she says. “I’m actually quite shy."

Having never taken more than three weeks off, she’s unsure what a three-month break will feel like, but intends to fill her days with reading, painting and gardening. She also wants to make it as easy as possible for her 13-year-old son Edward. (“Am I in trouble?" he asked when his mother sat him down to break the news.)

Despite also helping nurse one of her closest friends through the latter stages of terminal cancer, her wit remains.

“Everyone is very friendly in Tumourtown," she says, referring to the permanently-upbeat manner of staff on cancer wards."There’s no sex; no sexuality, in that place.

“Even now, I can’t help being a bit irreverent."

SKIN CANCER: WHAT YOU NEED TO KNOW

• More than 95 per cent of skin cancers can be successfully treated if found early. Left untreated, skin cancers such as melanoma can be life-threatening in as little as six weeks.
• Get to know your skin and what looks normal so you notice changes quickly.
• Check all of your skin, not just the sun-exposed areas. Ask someone you’re comfortable with to check difficult areas such as your back, or use both a full-length and hand-held mirror.
• If you notice anything unusual – including any change in shape, colour or size of a spot; or a new spot – see your doctor as soon as possible.
• People at higher risk of skin cancer, such as those with a family history, should create a “surveillance plan" with their doctor.
• Prevention is always better than treatment. Consult the SunSmart app daily to check the hours in which sun protection is required – and protect yourself with clothing, sunscreen, a hat,
• shade and sunglasses during these times.

Information supplied by SunSmart Victoria. For more, visit sunsmart.com.au

MESSAGE FROM ALANNAH HILL AFTER HER OPERATION

I guess we have to face and contemplate the sad fact that we’re all born to die.

Mortality is an intimate narrative within us that is also infused with extraordinary optimism. The alien invasion of one rogue cancer cell – and odd little me straying into the territory of Tumourtown – can, of course, be very worrying. We are not human unless we have these doubts, these fears and the sleepless nights.

I do take absolute care not be self-pitying or self-centred about it. That’s why I wanted to be silent.

I’m sure many others who get this news find the sentence “Oh, you’re so strong for facing this", rather strange and perplexing. The real truth is that we have no choice in the matter. Having this diagnosis can often befriend weakness, which I think is always a grand thing to embrace. Strength often requires the acknowledgement of weakness and humility.

The strength, for me, lay there all curled up in a soft, pink ball of roses. The human spirit – with the need to live and be there for our children – is what pushes us through. And I know that every single person out there who has had to face this stands up and just gets on with it.

The main thing to remember – and I can’t stress this enough – is that we all, unfortunately, believe we are invincible.

I thought my little freckle was just a freckle getting bigger. But it was the first signs of a melanoma – which is a sign to go and get checked.

Getting checked is what the doctors preach most. They despair, so often, as they lose people after hearing the words, “If only … if only I’d gone earlier and gotten checked earlier."

Then the race is on; the race for survival that affects everyone around us. I find it incredibly hard to imagine dying, so I refuse to indulge it, although my DNA is one of facing the enormous universe and the existential void all around this.

My message is simple. No matter how small your little mole is, no matter how insignificant it looks, go to your doctor and get it checked.

I know you’d rather walk out with him saying, “It’s fine; it’s nothing." Not the telephone call that I received: “Hello Alannah, could you come back to the surgery please? We have something we need to talk about."

The flipping over of my heart could be heard for miles. But we pull ourselves up, we forge ahead and we just get on with whatever it takes to live.

Please check  every single part of your body.

We often forget how important we are. Not just to ourselves. But to the people we love, and who love us